Ups and downs ...last week.

Hope everyone is having a better sunday than I am. My last week was beastly and so has been the weekend, though not completely to be honest.

On Tuesday, I knew I was moody but didnt know the reason why. Long day at work, I thought..perhaps that is the reason. When I went back home, I realised today was the day when the wedding ceremonies of my sister begin. My only sister was getting married on the 6th July and I wasnt there at her wedding. The preparations had been going on for months; normal procedure for the traditional Indian weddings but I didnt miss it so much then. Thought, oh well, its just a wedding, not a life time time apart from my sister. She can bear my absence at the wedding if she wanted to get married when she knew I was never going to be able to make it.
Only on Tuesday, when I called up home, I heard my sister and all 35 of my relatives on the phone, crying, telling me how they were missing me, that I broke down. I realised just how lonely I was and how lonely my sister would be without me. She wanted me there at this important moment of her life and where was I? Far away..I felt ashamed thinking, I am a bad sister.
My sister got married on the 6th, last Thursday. I called her up exactly after the ceremony was over. She heard me on the phone and started crying. I couldnt stop. I was at work but I cried. The ceremony had gone well but she had missed her elder sister, who was supposed to be her support, by her side...me.I wished her well. I maybe far away from her but spiritually I was there, with her, by her side. After all, you always are where your heart is, isnt it? I am glad the ceremony went well and things turned out to be right for her.
The only person who I know didnt say he missed me much but would have missed me intensely was my father. He wouldnt say it but I know in my heart, he would have wished me to be there. I was saddened by that as well. My father probably realised it and he called me up later and told me, " My dear, dont fret. I am happy if you are,no matter where you are. Your sister is married now to the man she loves and I wish you were here but I do understand. I missed your presence, my eldest daugter, because you are my strongest support. But I love you too much to demand your presence at all costs."
It must have taken him a lot of effort to say that cos he is normally a very proud man. But his love for me took his pride away. Love my father for that.

At work, it was just boring. Long hours at work but not really fruitful work as my mind was on the other track. Anyway,the week passed by and I looked forward to the weekend but it turned out to be ...ummm...lets say, unsettling.

A person I was not expecting back for sometime, came back. Why is it that just when you think you are all set and will let bygones be bygones, something unbalances you? My last meeting with him had left me a bit angry at his arrogance in thinking that I was actually chasing after him when all I had in mind was a friendly gesture. Just because you kiss each other and feel attracted doesnt mean you are definitely going to go ahead and do something silly like ...dont know. Sex isnt silly but best not go in that direction either. Attraction and fighting against this attraction, is I think also a reason for this anger. Here I was, trying my best to fight it and discard it casually and what does the other person do? Instead of letting it go casually, goes all tensed and in turn tenses me up too. I am trying to keep distance and I think it works.

pffff....anyway. The shocker over, I went out to settle my mind yesterday. Just wanted to get out.
Had a couple of beers with friends, watched Germany going crazy when they won yesterday. As if it makes a difference!! They ought to accept the fact that they are out of the finals and that is that. No one doubts the fact that they played well. Just accept the defeat graciously and leave! But no, it needs to prove that it is still worthy for the third place. Honestly...!!

Soooo I came back at about 3 in the morning and was up at 6:30 am. No matter how hard I tried, I couldnt sleep. Damn..now what? Well, read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone that I had borrowed from a colleague.

Went to the Floh Markt. I kinda like this weekend market. It seems to me to be a very good idea. People who want to discard the stuff they no longer require give it away at these markets at a dirt cheap price. Atleast they get something back and dont just throw it away! I bought a bike today at my housemates' urges. They absoultely insisted that I needed one. So voila! Got one.
Later on, went to the river where the others swam and I sat and slept by the shade after a while, listeing to the chirpings of the birds. It was peaceful. Came back and well, am in no mood to watch Italy Vs. France final. So am sitting here, writing on my blog.
Life is certainly intersting, isnt it? Lets see how the next week goes. Will keep you guys posted.