Examine what is said, not her who speaks

These days, I go to work but am not so productive. I start well in the mornings, with warm sunshine at 8 in the morning but by the time it is 12, my brain goes on a blank and then, no matter how much I try, I am not able to be as productive as i want to be! Blast this heat!

I have taken to reading again...and when i read, it means I will read and read..and do nothing else. Last few days, it had been the Lord of the Rings. Somehow I cant just read when I know that there is a movie there. After I finish with the book, I have to watch the movie again and compare it again with the book ( Mind you, I would have already done that long back but still do it again and again everytime I read these books ) Itgives you a better idea and more vision to your eyes. Though, I think, the Shire in my imagination is better than the one shown in the movie.

Now, I have started on "Timeline", by Crichton. One of the books, that I read some years back when it was first but I have nothing else to read! So ....read it again. But I didnt watch the movie when it came out. So this time, maybe I will watch the movie as well...if I can get it in English here, that is.

Ah guess, go back to work again! Tomorrow, I wont have enough time as I shall be packing to go on vacation..yippie!!
Oh btw, you know what? When I leave Bremen, on the 23rd August, none of my housemates are going to be there to say goodbye. N has accepted a job in Dannenberg so he will have gone at the beginning of August. A will already be in Bavaria, waiting for me, said goodbye to R before (and he will not be back from France before I go back, that is for sure!), C is going on vacation as well and S is ...well..lets say the kid of the house is never around! Sadde, but I guess, it is better that way. No sad goodbyes!

Oh hell, go back to work Firelight, stop thinking!!

The weekend has come and gone, with me having done nothing speical. Didnt even clear up my room this time. Too lazy. Guess it is the heat. And today loads to do at work but somehow I feel very lethargic. Must be the air. The heat is the killer I think. Add to that, loads of humidity and you have a deadly combination.
I wonder how people can go to the beach and just lie down in the sun in this heat!! In India, people would scatter about like flies in the heat and go off in search of cooler places. Culture and country reversal,eh?

Have been planning to include Biarritz in my trip next week but the problem is the accomodation. I can get the train ticket with TGV at a good price but the hostel, hotel...now that is a different matter! NO hostel or hotel has even a single room vacant for the weekend on the 5th August. Damn...
Will look for some other place later maybe.
For now, back to work it is.

Hmmm...I realise I have missed writing on the blog quite a bit. Seems like ages since I wrote last. LJ, thanks for your comments.

I have been eating like a pig, feasting on salads and fruits as the doctor told me I have really low sugar. He also mentioned that stress is taking me to the edge of a breakdown. Whoa! I told myself, "Steady there girl, stop thinking so much." And that is what I have been trying to do in the last week. Working hard, preparing for my coming holiday in France and just chilling out, doing nothing special.

Let me tell you about the holidays in France. I plan to leave on the 28th by the night train from Bremen and to reach Paris in the morning of the 29th. I shall browse about the city a bit and in the afternoon, catch a train (TGV) to Lyon where I shall meet my friend O. It should be interesting to find out how that goes! Its another story with him as well which I will mention later on. Moving from there, if my budget permits me, I shall travel to Marseille and then on to Madrid to meet my friend D at and attend the happiest event of his life. From there, back to Bremen and back to work on the 8-9th of August. So I hope to have a ball in that time and get rid of all the stress.

Hmmm..I have been thinking about and smiling at how things change in relationships. Last when I met O was in India, in 2004. He had been working with an NGO as a trainee, on social issues that plague India. I met him at one of these AIESEC parties but we didnt talk much then. We met twice after that, on friendly basis. But then came the business proposition.

I needed a French translator for the company that I had been working with, at that point of time. I offered the task to O and knowing what was going on inside the company, I asked him to quote more than normal. He misunderstood. He thought, I was asking for a share. He was outraged. A person working with the company, asking for a share from me? Surely she is unloyal. He immediately told the HR head of the company who in turn told the CEO.

Now, if you know the companies in India, especially small and private ones, you will realise that no one trusts each other because everyone is out to make profit. I knew the profit level they would have had O quoted the normal share which was ridiculous. They could have indeed given more and still earned that profit. I was trying to do him a favour and it backfired on me. I was shocked to be told that the company believed the accusation that had been hurled at me( and this when I had been working with them for 3 years, sincerely and got them good results from each of my work!) and wanted me to take the next step. Either write an apology letter or quit. Ha! Apology letter? That would mean I actually had committed the deed !! NO way. Which left only one option. I quit. So I did and proudly.

The company that doesnt trust its sincere employees is no place for me. I knew the tactics they applied while getting business and none were ethical. That led me to thinking, why work with any other company? Why not work by myself? And that in turn, started me with my Consulting business. Today, the company that accused me actually comes up and asks me if I have any work for them.

Anyway, back to O. Initially, I was really angry. How dare he? He made me lose my job!! I shall kill the bugger! Of course, when one is angry, one hardly thinks at all, forget rationality. It was after a month or so when I calmed down that I became mischevious. I decided to make him pay lightly for what he made me suffer. I would message him and ask him how he was, you know..sweet messages. Nothing bad at all. The impression and the misunderstanding still not cleared, I knew he would hate my messages but manners would dictate him to reply back and he would do so with great annoyance. That was what I wanted...to annoy him, cause little inconvenience.

Anyway, we met online last year again and cleared up the misunderstanding where he apologised and I accepted his apology. Since then, we have been better acquaintances and now I think, I should see him in person to see if we can be better friends. Good idea, eh? In a way, I am thankful to him. Had I not resigned from that job, I would not be what I am today.

Uh oh..time to go back to work. See you later.

Yup, I have been sick a week now and I finally today forced myself to get an appointment with the doctor to go and get myself checked up. Maybe I am losing an organ or two. nah..plain matter of fact is, no offence to them or their field, I just have an aversion to them. I avoid going to the doctors for as long as I can. But today I think, it is high time. I dont want to die in a foreign country of nothing at all. Lets go and see what he says today. OH dear..more money gone! Hopefully my travel Insurance should cover it.

I plan to go to the other french trainee's place today..guess I need a change of scene as well. Being polite and friendly with the person when you are not sure of them and completely frustrated is hard. I think, I will go to C's place and enjoy some french dinner and light conversation.

Until later! Bis später!

Hope everyone is having a better sunday than I am. My last week was beastly and so has been the weekend, though not completely to be honest.

On Tuesday, I knew I was moody but didnt know the reason why. Long day at work, I thought..perhaps that is the reason. When I went back home, I realised today was the day when the wedding ceremonies of my sister begin. My only sister was getting married on the 6th July and I wasnt there at her wedding. The preparations had been going on for months; normal procedure for the traditional Indian weddings but I didnt miss it so much then. Thought, oh well, its just a wedding, not a life time time apart from my sister. She can bear my absence at the wedding if she wanted to get married when she knew I was never going to be able to make it.
Only on Tuesday, when I called up home, I heard my sister and all 35 of my relatives on the phone, crying, telling me how they were missing me, that I broke down. I realised just how lonely I was and how lonely my sister would be without me. She wanted me there at this important moment of her life and where was I? Far away..I felt ashamed thinking, I am a bad sister.
My sister got married on the 6th, last Thursday. I called her up exactly after the ceremony was over. She heard me on the phone and started crying. I couldnt stop. I was at work but I cried. The ceremony had gone well but she had missed her elder sister, who was supposed to be her support, by her side...me.I wished her well. I maybe far away from her but spiritually I was there, with her, by her side. After all, you always are where your heart is, isnt it? I am glad the ceremony went well and things turned out to be right for her.
The only person who I know didnt say he missed me much but would have missed me intensely was my father. He wouldnt say it but I know in my heart, he would have wished me to be there. I was saddened by that as well. My father probably realised it and he called me up later and told me, " My dear, dont fret. I am happy if you are,no matter where you are. Your sister is married now to the man she loves and I wish you were here but I do understand. I missed your presence, my eldest daugter, because you are my strongest support. But I love you too much to demand your presence at all costs."
It must have taken him a lot of effort to say that cos he is normally a very proud man. But his love for me took his pride away. Love my father for that.

At work, it was just boring. Long hours at work but not really fruitful work as my mind was on the other track. Anyway,the week passed by and I looked forward to the weekend but it turned out to be ...ummm...lets say, unsettling.

A person I was not expecting back for sometime, came back. Why is it that just when you think you are all set and will let bygones be bygones, something unbalances you? My last meeting with him had left me a bit angry at his arrogance in thinking that I was actually chasing after him when all I had in mind was a friendly gesture. Just because you kiss each other and feel attracted doesnt mean you are definitely going to go ahead and do something silly like ...dont know. Sex isnt silly but best not go in that direction either. Attraction and fighting against this attraction, is I think also a reason for this anger. Here I was, trying my best to fight it and discard it casually and what does the other person do? Instead of letting it go casually, goes all tensed and in turn tenses me up too. I am trying to keep distance and I think it works.

pffff....anyway. The shocker over, I went out to settle my mind yesterday. Just wanted to get out.
Had a couple of beers with friends, watched Germany going crazy when they won yesterday. As if it makes a difference!! They ought to accept the fact that they are out of the finals and that is that. No one doubts the fact that they played well. Just accept the defeat graciously and leave! But no, it needs to prove that it is still worthy for the third place. Honestly...!!

Soooo I came back at about 3 in the morning and was up at 6:30 am. No matter how hard I tried, I couldnt sleep. Damn..now what? Well, read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone that I had borrowed from a colleague.

Went to the Floh Markt. I kinda like this weekend market. It seems to me to be a very good idea. People who want to discard the stuff they no longer require give it away at these markets at a dirt cheap price. Atleast they get something back and dont just throw it away! I bought a bike today at my housemates' urges. They absoultely insisted that I needed one. So voila! Got one.
Later on, went to the river where the others swam and I sat and slept by the shade after a while, listeing to the chirpings of the birds. It was peaceful. Came back and well, am in no mood to watch Italy Vs. France final. So am sitting here, writing on my blog.
Life is certainly intersting, isnt it? Lets see how the next week goes. Will keep you guys posted.

Well, my day began early today..sleepy though I was, I knew I had to get to work. I have been moody today, until now. I am happy one moment, sad the next, pensive one moment, active the other...dont know what is going on. Lets start from morning.

My throat is a bit sore and the head is ok but a bit heavy..dont know why but altogether had a lot on my mind in the morning for things to do at work. And I am happy that I didnt sit at home and moon over things (it never gets you any results anyway). I just got a Consultant from India to sign a Cooperation Contract with my company. Yippie! My boss has been happy to see that I handle my work well.
Another one, the big Corporate client is happy with the material I sent him today and when I called up, he specially thanked me for my hard work. I like clients like these!
My boss gave me another pleasing moment when he said, if the deal clicks, I get some commission for the hardwork I put in. Wow..that would indeed pay for my ticket here to Germany and all these six months stay collectively if that happens!

Apart from that, I am not thinking about personal life..I think on that front, I have nothing which can be said. It is empty..that is right..EMPTY..nothing to fill it up with.
But I am glad that I have friends who are there to cheer me up. I am still inscensed by something in my head and I know what it is but dont think, I will mention it until I carefully analyse it and look for any benefit of the doubt that can be given to the person in concern. After all, you can just go cracking your whip ( or my wand ) at anyone you think is being bad to you, can you now?

And I am happy that at work, i wont be the only English speaking foreigner soon. Another trainee from China is coming here soon and shall join me until I leave. Then he would leave too to go to Singapore and I shall go back home.
Time to get back to work...will add something very intersting later